so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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