I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
