I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
