she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
