3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
