made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
