Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
