Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
