but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
