Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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