I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
