Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
