16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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