I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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