He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
