So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
