I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
