It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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