I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
