this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
