You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
