A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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