Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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