i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sober January is a disaster.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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