I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
