then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
