I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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