Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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