i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
