i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
