He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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