I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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