OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
