this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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