I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
