can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
