I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
