it hurts more in the daytime
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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