I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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