i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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