So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
