The maid of honor just puked.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
