Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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