It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
