im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
