fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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