obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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