Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my poor anus
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
