You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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