still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
