You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
