paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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