Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Everclear isn't food dammit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
