She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
