Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
