I have demons in me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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